YOU DESERVE IT!

I am quickly learning how badly I see myself. For years I surrounded myself in pain and after a while I got use to it. I got so use to it that it became way more comfortable then anything. I felt like if I let people do things for me then they had one up on me, they would use it against me, and it made me feel dependent. Do you see how crazy that is! It sounded so logical in my head, and how easy it was to turn everything around. I did this for years, I would over-think, over-analyze everything. I made everything out to be so negative, so personal, and so hurtful. The saying " If you set off negative energy you will attract negative energy" WELL BELIEVE IT BECAUSE IT'S TRUE! I would hear someone say that and try and be positive for the day, but it was just fake positive energy so it completely counter-acted everything. I couldn't understand it, I was so upset, and frustrated I just didn't know how to deal. So I shut off feelings, emotions, and the will to care, or at least I thought I did. I cared about everyone else around me instead of myself. I would take care of others before myself all the time. It was and still is very hard for me to put myself first and not feel badly about being selfish. Sometimes you need to be selfish, you need to look after numero uno, because at the end of the day no one else will. Sure there are tons of people who you probably don't even realize who care, but they do, but its hard to care when you know that person doesn't even care about them self. Once you start to look at yourself and care about yourself, then those around you will respect that and care about you as well. "When you give off positive energy, you attract positive energy" this saying is what some people need to learn, study, and everyone should apply it to there everyday life. When you put yourself first, you are acknowledging the fact that you deserve to be happy, that you are important and you do stand out from others. I never understood why people tried so hard to fit in when we were born to stand out. Even those who think they are rebelling are building are category all their own. I have gone through a lot in my life, all starting at a young age, and I have always been so upset, as to why I never get treated properly. Even though without knowing it I would push all the good people away. I have finally realized that God gives you the people you need not the people you want, to love you, to leave you, to hurt you, to support you, etc. Guys do it just the same, they complain about all the things their girlfriend isn't but when they get a good girl, there's always something that isn't enough. Girls do it just as bad, we are attracted to the "bad boy" but then expect him to be prince charming. So you should really think about what you want, do you want the "bad boy" who will treat you BADLY, or prince charming whose going to treat you like the princess. Guys do you want the "baaaaad girl" whose going to take full advantage of her looks and use them against you, or do you want a good girl who will appreciate everything you are including all your flaws? This was a realization for myself that I didn't want to come to terms with myself, and when push came to shove, I have done the "bad boy" thing way to many times to know that they all end the same, so why not try a good guy, prince charming who I know will treat me the way I want, the way I deserve. I don't want anyone to feel like they need to buy my love, but I deserve to be treated with care and respect. It's so new and fresh, and scary and awesome. I deserve it! why would you ever think you don't? If you don't feel like you deserve it neither will anyone else! Everyone deserves to be happy!!!

"Every moment you are happy is a gift to the rest of the world" Harry Palmer