I recently blogged about an experience I had an expressed a few different types of emotion, one of them being fear. I was fearful of depression, because of my past experiences, my belief is that depression is not just an emotion it was a state of mind, it was a dark black hole that I sat in for month at a time. So I need to be completely clear in saying I am no longer fearful of my emotions, I am fearful that I will be stuck in them. Which some of you might think well you will get over it eventually, just depends on the experience at hand. Of course, most of you would be somewhat right, on the other hand my belief has been re-wired recently so after this type-o was brought to my attention I had a good giggle. I choose my beliefs, I decide what to think about them, when I allowed myself to get over worked I also allowed my mind to take over my belief system, my emotions, and my actions. I gave in for a period of time, what felt comforting was not necessarily healthy, but I chose to believe that what was healthy was not necessarily comforting. I choose to let it simmer into a boil instead of cook it and be done with it (deal with it). I forgot how far I had come, I forgot to recognize my strides I had worked so hard for. I took the focus off myself, and put my energy into a completely unknown world, which took my mind away from my goals. Sometimes we need to explore other realms of life so we know where we need to go and where we want to go next. After I let myself go, I had to work twice as hard to get myself back, but it just propelled me forward. I chose to create a lesson, instead of a loss. I chose to be afraid of what I didn't know, and I let it affect everything I did. Being afraid of emotion does absolutely nothing for you, it does not help clarify, it won't let you moved past, and it will not under any circumstances benefit you by running away. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you don't learn from your past it will repeat itself", for the longest time I had interpreted that as, don't do it, or anything like that. In 7th Grade my Social Studies Teacher use to say this all the time, especially when someone did something they weren't suppose to do. When at times, it worked for 7th graders, but thats not necessarily the real meaning. By saying don't let your past repeat itself, means that with all , good or bad, comes with a lesson; and if we don't get it, the lesson will repeat itself until we do. It doesn't mean that we will or will not go through the same experience, all it means is that if we don't learn the first time it will re-appear until we do. It took me awhile to learn the bigger picture, the biggest lesson. I never knew how to put myself first, I always went above and beyond to put others first, to make others happy, even if it wasn't healthy for me (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially) I stayed and never left because I was use to being left. I never gave up on anyone, but always gave up on myself. I have always been afraid of my real emotions, and instead of dealing with it I covered it up with a defensive anger protection shield. Point is, you can't be afraid to feel, we need to let ourselves feel what is going on when it's going on so we can deal with it and we are able to move on. Don't be afraid of emotion, it can only get worse in time without being dealt with. Feel your emotion, don't over-think it, or over-talk the situation, just clarify what it is and deal with it first hand.
"Every moment you are happy is a gift to the rest of the world" Harry Palmer
No comments:
Post a Comment