YOU DESERVE IT!

I am quickly learning how badly I see myself. For years I surrounded myself in pain and after a while I got use to it. I got so use to it that it became way more comfortable then anything. I felt like if I let people do things for me then they had one up on me, they would use it against me, and it made me feel dependent. Do you see how crazy that is! It sounded so logical in my head, and how easy it was to turn everything around. I did this for years, I would over-think, over-analyze everything. I made everything out to be so negative, so personal, and so hurtful. The saying " If you set off negative energy you will attract negative energy" WELL BELIEVE IT BECAUSE IT'S TRUE! I would hear someone say that and try and be positive for the day, but it was just fake positive energy so it completely counter-acted everything. I couldn't understand it, I was so upset, and frustrated I just didn't know how to deal. So I shut off feelings, emotions, and the will to care, or at least I thought I did. I cared about everyone else around me instead of myself. I would take care of others before myself all the time. It was and still is very hard for me to put myself first and not feel badly about being selfish. Sometimes you need to be selfish, you need to look after numero uno, because at the end of the day no one else will. Sure there are tons of people who you probably don't even realize who care, but they do, but its hard to care when you know that person doesn't even care about them self. Once you start to look at yourself and care about yourself, then those around you will respect that and care about you as well. "When you give off positive energy, you attract positive energy" this saying is what some people need to learn, study, and everyone should apply it to there everyday life. When you put yourself first, you are acknowledging the fact that you deserve to be happy, that you are important and you do stand out from others. I never understood why people tried so hard to fit in when we were born to stand out. Even those who think they are rebelling are building are category all their own. I have gone through a lot in my life, all starting at a young age, and I have always been so upset, as to why I never get treated properly. Even though without knowing it I would push all the good people away. I have finally realized that God gives you the people you need not the people you want, to love you, to leave you, to hurt you, to support you, etc. Guys do it just the same, they complain about all the things their girlfriend isn't but when they get a good girl, there's always something that isn't enough. Girls do it just as bad, we are attracted to the "bad boy" but then expect him to be prince charming. So you should really think about what you want, do you want the "bad boy" who will treat you BADLY, or prince charming whose going to treat you like the princess. Guys do you want the "baaaaad girl" whose going to take full advantage of her looks and use them against you, or do you want a good girl who will appreciate everything you are including all your flaws? This was a realization for myself that I didn't want to come to terms with myself, and when push came to shove, I have done the "bad boy" thing way to many times to know that they all end the same, so why not try a good guy, prince charming who I know will treat me the way I want, the way I deserve. I don't want anyone to feel like they need to buy my love, but I deserve to be treated with care and respect. It's so new and fresh, and scary and awesome. I deserve it! why would you ever think you don't? If you don't feel like you deserve it neither will anyone else! Everyone deserves to be happy!!!

"Every moment you are happy is a gift to the rest of the world" Harry Palmer

It will all happen when you least expect it!

For years I thought that I was broken and damaged and a complete mess. Well by me believing that, thats exactly what type of vibes I gave off. I shut people out, judged them before I really got to meet them. Now I wonder how many awesome people I pushed away... I always wanted someone who was going to take care of me they way I have others all my life and care because they want to and not because I was an obligation. What i learned is that I was damaged because I allowed people to break me down and walk all over me. Through Avatar I got to create a whole new upgraded happier version of my former self. It wasn't easy to take responsibility and not be the victim but once I started pointing out the things I didn't like in myself I learned they wouldn't be hard to change! I live a much happier and healthier life, and the truth is when you love yourself it becomes contagious, and everyone will shift around you. It will all happen in time, and you need to give yourself time to heel and re-create. But the main and most important part of all of this is to realize that it is possible, in-fact anything is possible when you decide it is. When you allow yourself to break down in a healthy way you learn more about yourself and what you think you want isn't at all what you really want. My whole life is in different colors, and finally seeing things for what they really are, enriches everything. I have more motivation to better myself and push myself forward. I also met someone who makes it really easy to be me, and smiling has become natural. It just comes to show when you treat your life better, life will treat you. I have had a really not so great past, where I allowed others to completely change me, or make me feel really bad about myself. It was abusive in every which way, emotionally, mentally, physically. But I have finally been able to let it go, and realize that it doesn't define me at all but I am who am I today because of all the crap I went through. You learned to always look at the glass half full! and when you least expect it, someone else will help fill it up! Everyone deserves to be happy, so stop over-thinking everything, stop holding yourself back from being happy, let the past go and learn from it. Because when you least expect it, it will happen, and when it does happen you will appreciate it that much more!
"Every moment you are happy is a gift to the rest of the world" Harry Palmer

When you don't know where to look for motivation... look in a mirror

Everyone has days where they wake up and don't want to do anything, and I'm not talking about vacation. Everyone has low days, and believe it or not its not all that bad. Sometimes life can get you down and you need time off to recollect yourself. The mistake people often make is that, they make it a lifestyle. Your body needs to get up and do something active, get your heart pumping. Even if it's just for a small amount of time, you will feel ten times better once you get up and start moving. Other days, I get so overwhelmed with a mixture of everything that I just want to scream "TIME OUT!"  so every once and awhile its good to do just that. Today I woke up feeling so drained, with not motivation, or energy to do anything at all. So despite my better judgement I got up to get some breakfast, and did a "feel it" exercise and let all the negative crap go. I started to feel a tad bit different so I decided to nourish my body with some good healthy breakfast which rejuvenated my energy. Then last but most certainly not least, I took a look in the mirror and realized I had come this far because I hadn't given up. I have to work so hard because I made living and staying in bed my lifestyle, and I am not ready to go back to that state. I was able to find my own motivation in myself, I became my biggest fan! It completely turned my day around. Point being, everyone has bad day and everyone has low points, but you can decide to change it at any point in the day. Choose not to worry about things you have no control over, or to build yourself up, when your feeling down. If your lacking in energy take a power nap, or feed your body with something nutritious. No matter what you having going on in your life that may be dragging you down you can decide to change it turn it around and let it fuel you forward. Continue to live and be prosperous. Happiness is the best place on earth and the view is breath taking.
"Every moment you are happy is a gift to the rest of the world." Harry Palmer

My defining Days, that I won't let go

It is very hard for us to point out our own struggles, when you are so busy trying to be the perfect version of you.  Most the time when we are pointing out the wrongs in someone else, we are pointing out what stands out most in ourselves. I feel compelled to help everyone and anyone I can, and for a long time I was doing it because I was secretly crying out for help myself. It didn't just all come at once, it came in little dosages. But I didn't care at that point! I started to let go of responsibilities that I worked so hard to keep. Everything that was once important, everything that I had fought so hard for, didn't matter anymore. No matter how hard I worked at myself, it just was not enough, so I tried to be someone else's idea of perfect and when that didn't work I was lost. I wasn't okay, I felt that I had lost myself at such a young age that I would never over come it. I was in such a dark place I couldn't even see myself. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing to myself and those around me. And the more and more I would try and cover up my need for help, the more it got stronger. Before I knew it I had covered myself in depressing and draining emotions. I couldn't see any light, I couldn't understand how it got that bad, and I never thought I was going to be able to over come any of it let alone all of it. I woke up one day, and literally said enough is enough! There was nothing that I hadn't felt at that point. I could tell people felt an unease around me. I could tell I was the dark cloud no one wanted to be around, the dark cloud I ran away from as a little ambitious girl. I was frustrated I didn't know how to get out, or even which step to take first. This feeling lasted for months before I felt a tap on my shoulder. I finally got the answer that I had been searching for all those years. Avatar really in a very in-abrasive fashion stripped me of years of self medicating abuse. I was able to finally look in the mirror and recognize the person looking back at me. I could comfortable name what I didn't like about myself, and decide to discreate them. I found a healthy way to point out my own struggles and turn them into a new battle, a new accomplishment. Instead of putting myself down and letting it break me, I simply decided that it was going to make me shine. I could re-create anything everything I possibly wanted. I found self happiness in my own smile. I will never let go of this new empowering embrace of emotion, I refuse to sell myself short, and I refuse to settle for anything less then amazing because I AM WORTH IT AND I DO DESERVE IT!
"Every Moment you are HAPPY is a GIFT to the rest of the WORLD" Harry Palmer

Break Downs are Healthy

I use to be the type of person that I would hold everyone in, and just cover it all up with a fake smile, and I thought I was fooling everyone. But when someone isn't genuinely happy everyone can tell, more then you can even tell. And the one person that covering up harms more then anyone is yourself! I still tend to keep things in a little and then have little mini break downs, which normally people think is bad, but I strongly disagree! Sometimes, you need to completely break down, and exaggerate how you feel, because when its in your head you can justify it, and make excuses, and over analyze. When you break down, and exaggerate the feeling you can really see how much of its not a big deal and how silly it all is. The beauty of a break down is that you get to build yourself right back up, you get to create whatever you want without the bullsh*t in your head. You get to focus on you, and just you. You can tweak, tune up, or even upgrade anything you really want, and regardless of  what your belief system says now.. You have the inner power to let go of whatever you want. I have mini break downs almost once every couple of weeks, whether it's because I second guess myself, or I get a sneak attack and smacked upside with head with something that I wouldn't even think would have an effect on me. There are tons of reasons why people break down. Because of Avatar I am more self- aware of why I do the things I do. say or feel. I have awesome friends and family who let me break down and exaggerate the feeling until I realize how absurd and ridiculous I was being in the first place. Stress, and depression only damages the body. But if you have nothing to fight for you will stand for anything and everything. Those who don't know what real happiness is has no idea what's worth fighting for. Breakdowns aren't always so healthy though,  they can emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive, and draining. I did it for years, and I woke up and said enough is enough I don't want to live like this anymore, I want to smile from inside out. Everyone deserves to be happy, and its possible in more then one way.
'Every Moment you are happy is a gift to the rest of the world" Harry Palmer

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

If anything really would be a possibility, knowing you wouldn't fail what would you do? What really stops up for pushing forward? What ultimately holds us back from what we want out of life? Parents always say.. " You can do anything you set your mind to!" But then as we grow up, they start to put limitations on what feels like everything and anything. Sometimes okay okay, most of the time, parents know best and they limit us from either making wginormous mistakes, or from getting hurt. But against their better judgement we normally do it anyway. In doing so, we choose to find out what happens, we take the risk anyway. However, when you get older a majority of the people are to afraid to take risk, and really go for what they want. It is set up in our mind that without money, or a plan of attack, and back up we really won't get very far. But instead of leaping, we need to learn how to make steps, this way we are still moving forward, and still being safe. You can easily still do whatever you want to do, you can make anything happen. And should not limit yourself because you don't know where to start. Unfortunately in todays world money talks, and if you don't have the correct amount we're told to take a walk. But I would much rather be told that anything is possible and with the right steps forward I will be able to make it anywhere. I would like to think that my dreams are plans for the future no matter how small or big they might be. Do not shut yourself down from being great, or making a difference. You don't want to wake up one day and think " I wonder if I... what would of been". What does it even really mean to fail? In school it means you don't move forward and/or graduate up, but in life there is no limit to how many attempts we really have. We set up our own limitations, of course those who bet all they have the first time and loose, may have a harder second attempt but they still have that second attempt. Seeing is not believing if you can believe it you better bet you can see it in what ever light and colors your imagination will let you. I started this blog because I have this dream plan of starting a movement, sure I could do other things with my life and probably make oodles of money, but I would compromise my happiness, SOMETHING I REFUSE TO DO! once you find your happiness, I can promise you will never want to let it go, it will become your love that you fight for, that you would kill for. Know that not failing is an option, make it your only option. Broaden your horizon, open up your eyes, and always follow your heart.
"Every moment you are happy is gift to the rest of the world" Harry Palmer

Two heads are better then one!

For such a long time, I have been very, independent. I needed to do it on my own, almost so I could prove myself to others. Most of the time I still like to do things myself, I am a laid back but for the most part private person. However, my best friend is a huge part of my support system! We are together probably 90% of the time, if we aren't either I'm out of town or she is. So whatever I go through she goes through and vice versa. We have been through a lot of the same things, even though we come from very different up bringing, we share the same values, same interests, share the same thoughts and most of the time have the same feelings, we've never fought and most of the time finish each others sentence..what can I say we're best friends! When I was going through the rough times in my life Jess was always there, the first one there and she never left. She opened up her heart and her family to let me in. Family growing up has been such a huge part of my life so when mine fell apart I felt as though I lost a big part of me, and even though I am making progress and great strides with mine, and I super close to Jess and her family. And I could never be able to thank them enough for all the times they take me in (yes present tense because they still do) For all the times, they have treated me like one of their own, I am truly blessed and so thankful words would never be able to express. Unfortunately we also went through some pretty dark times together, so if I was unapproachable, or came off as a tough girl, you could only imagine what it was like with us together. Attitude is strong enough, I even had back up on that. We are best described as Fabolous' song "Make Me Better" the lyrics say " I'm a movement  by myself, but a Force when we're together". It was our defense mechanism, no body and I mean no body wanted to mess with us. Which we didn't mind so much, but being unapproachable can get lonely and both of felt it. When I started planning Avatar I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into and Jess kinda looked at me like your not serious right? But against both our better judgements I went, and came back a completely different person. In Avatar, I was worried how my friends and family would take to the new me, and didn't want it to affect my new belief system. Well they tell you that once you shift, everything and everyone in your life will shift around you, and at first I was like "Oh! you don't know my friends and family!" But boy was I wrong yet again! Once I came home it was almost like a wildfire affect, they saw the change in me automatically and it's started to take hold on those closest to me. Jess in fact just told me that, seeing me this happy has pushed her to let go of a lot of bullshit she has held onto for years, and if I can finally let go of my past so can she. Once I came home I made the decision to clean up my life in more then one aspect, and I wanted to start by working out and eating right, respecting my mind, body and soul. Jess is my partner in crime, we use to be out to the wee hours of the night sometimes morning, and would eat everything your not suppose to. ( COMFORT FOOD ) my addiction is fried foods, and hers is sugar, together its one deadly combination. I was scared to tell her no, I didn't want her to feel as though I was judging her, but yet again I was wrong. I came home to find out that Jess had started Jenny Craig, and working out with her older brother Jason doing Cross-Fit work out. So I did a little happy dance, and joined right in, I'm not doing Jenny Craig, but I have studied better diets, and we cross-fit 2-3 a week, and i've been sneaking in some cardio-workouts in between days. I feel great, and we have pushed each other so much in the past few weeks. People have noticed the change in both of us and its a beautiful thing. We are happy, in the process of getting healthy, and pushing ourselves beyond our own personal impossibilities. I am so thankful I have the support I do from my family, and I have such a kick-ass best friend. Now don't get me wrong you can make the decision and do anything you set your mind to, but it is much more easier when you have a partner in crime. So if you choose, to change your lifestyle, make sure you also decide to surround yourself with supportive friends or family. It's very important ingredient, for the "new you recipe". It's not easy to cut those off that you never realized weren't such a fantastic support before, but when you make the decision to love yourself, and put yourself first, you must become selfish. Selfish for all the right reasons is the best thing you could ever do. Remember you need to be happy before you let anyone share in your happiness, you need to love yourself before you let anyone else love you. Happy is the best place on earth and I never want to leave!
"Every moment you are happy is a gift to the rest of the world" Harry Palmer